


Not what I'm hoping for

by 0Hedvig0



Series: Geralt of Rivia- the one of my choosing [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Family, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love Confessions, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Prison, Rescue Missions, True Love, set during post the great escape mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-01-06 19:52:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12217791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Hedvig0/pseuds/0Hedvig0
Summary: The great escape worked perfectly, until it wasn't.





	1. What I want...

**Author's Note:**

> This suddenly came to my mind so I just had to write it! Love everything about "The Witcher" and is amazed with how Andrzej Apkowski came up with it :)
> 
> I think it will be a three part story and taggs will be added.

The air was reeking of death, it was almost the only thing I could smell. Blood covered the ground, and me. Bodies that in the heat of dusk already was starting to decompose, surrounded my feet as I stared down the prison guard that I knew had the key. A key I needed to get a hold on, like Rita said. 

My fist clenched harder around the steel sword dripping with blood. Rita gave me a clear picture with her beaten face how it could become for a special sorceress that always was on my mind. It made my blood boil to the edge that it almost consumed me. 

Quick steps nearing disturbed the sounds sizzling in my ear from leaves blowing in the wind, and in pure instinct I lowered myself in a fighting stance. Soldiers poured down from the stairs and out from doors. Not only soldiers, but witch hunters too. It suddenly became a even more personal matter, and I found myself giving a satisfied growl deep in my throat to get a little revenge out of my mind. 

I quickly signed Quen then dodged a sword trying to cut my head. My reflexes made the fight easy, the soldiers barely having the knowledge to hold a sword. It made me pity them, when I smoothly sliced the young boys open. But it was my mission or their life, and Ciri always came first.

My shield explodes fiercely, sending soldiers flying, when an arrow sneaked by my sword. If it wasn’t for the shield it would have pierced through my shoulder, and I quickly threw a Grapeshot bomb at the archer, hearing the screams when it exploded while dodging another sword trying to get close.

“I want ‘im alive!” someone’s voice rang over the swords clanging together, and I felt satisfied when the amount of soldiers became lesser and lesser, my sword and me the reason. Sure, scars covered my body, but the thing is, all of them where from creatures witchers was born to hunt. 

A thought flashed, pitchfork digging into my gut, that I effectively ignored when I deflected an arrow. I lifted my hand, ready to cast a sign, I don’t remember wich one because suddenly something sting in my neck.

I reached up towards my neck, furrowing my brows while trying to not get stabbed.

“What the fuck” I murmured , but were forced to instead hold up my sword and do a Aard, pushing soldiers and hunters away from me. 

I reached back again trying to feel what it was that struck my neck, but I couldn’t feel anything different. And I felt fine. I took the moment to attack the prison guard, slicing my sword through his stomach. It was a very anticlimactic experience, but I didn’t mind and quickly grabbed the key and sprinted down to the dungeon.

 

 

 

 

Orange light flickering. Torches on the wall. Two people in front of me. Thoughts running through my mind, but I can’t really grasp what they are about, but it makes my head feel al little sluggish.

Someone shook my shoulder and I quickly focused my eyes on those in front of me.

Yen looked at me with tilted head. And I know it's childish, but I wanted the concern that was filling those eyes to be for me. But, I knew it was for something else. 

“Geralt” she said, her voice soft and I slowly stopped leaning against the jail bars to stand straight.

“Yeah, are you ready to go?” I crossed my arms, holding my gaze at her, but Yen got a wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“We are ready, but” she hesitated, laying a hand on one of my arms “Are you okay?”

I nodded quickly.

“Just a bit worn out, high guarded prison and all” I swallowed, my throat feeling a little dry, then I nodded at her “You should hurry and get going”.  
Yen nodded, slowly turning around but still keeping her eyes on me until she focused her attention on Rita. 

I helped getting Rita on her feet, the weight feeling strangely heavy on my muscles when doing so, but then Yen and Rita disappeared in the bright yellow light and I could finally breathe out in relief. The other prisoners bowed their head in thanks, begging me to be careful before they went into the sewers. It was a strange feeling that they didn’t just spit at me, but instead wanted me to keep safe and get out of this place.

I turned to get going, when I were forced to reach my hand and lean against the nearest wall. My breaths was shallow and I felt extremely tired, like I haven’t slept in several days.

“I’m more worn out than I thought. Better get back before I pass out” I mumbled and took a deep breath before walking towards the stairs leading up to the courtyard. 

I gripped the railing while making my way up the staircase. It was like I had to hold on or I would fall down, and that’s when I glimpsed something on my arm. I quickly drew back the sleeve on the one holding the railing. Toxic colored my veins black and it made me confused, because I didn’t remember using any potions during the fight. I had some White honey, I think, in my pouch on Roach that will do. 

My steps became more hurried when I came to the courtyard. I could hear shouts coming from the other side of the wall, which gave a clearer picture to get the hell out of here.  
I were on my way towards the stairs to get up on the wall, I know I were. That’s why I can’t understand why my knees suddenly are kneeling on the ground. Why my body won’t react to my demands. A voice raised my head and i figure came closer, the toxic making my head swim gave no details to the dark figure.

“What have we here? A witcher lost in my courtyard” a manly voice said loud and clear in my ears. I couldn’t recognize it, but I couldn’t focus either with all the toxic in my body. 

“And not any witcher, it’s _the_ witcher I were searching for” the voice continued right in front of me “Geralt of Rivia, I’ve got you right were I want you”.

“I’m sorry, but I’m already taken” My voice sounded thick, like my tongue were to big.

A laugh.

“As sarcastic and funny like they said. We’re going to have so much fun”

I clenched my fists, or I think I did. My body felt like it was starting to shut down and if I were going to escape, it has to be now.

“May I know my admirers name?” I tried to keep the man's mind occupied while my hand was busy trying to twitch into Axii.

“Menge” the voice said and I stiffened. It can’t be, Menge is dead.


	2. What I wish...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING BLOOD AND DETAILS IN THIS CHAPTER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I hope you really like this chapter, I have worked soooooo hard with it and now I'm too tired to know what more I want to write. 
> 
> Thank you guys for your kudos! :D

Yen’s patience where slowly wearing thin, while dabbing at one of the cuts on Margarita’s face with a cloth. She glanced in the corner of her eye at Triss, who paced back and forth giving the Chameleons door worried looks every fifth minute.  
Yen sighed.  
“He will be here” she mumbled and rinsed the cloth in some luke warm herb water that Triss had made “There’s no need to wear the floor like that”.  
In swirled movements the blood turned into a light pink shade in the water, and Yen’s chest twisted of worry by the sight, her mind showing a special someone beeing covered in blood. She quickly began dabbing another cut on Margarita’s lower cheek, swallowing thickly.  
“How can you be so cold” Triss hissed and turned to Yen “Something may have gone wrong!”  
Yen snorted, her mood turning even more sour than it was.  
“Oh please. He probably just stopped by some other tavern, soaking in the lusting gazes from other women”  
It was quiet, but only for a moment.  
“I really don’t see what _he_ sees in _you_ ” Triss spitted out and passed Yen, leaving the tavern and the awkward silence between those who she left behind.  
“I should probably check in with, eh, everyone, eh, outside I mean” Dandelion excused turning to leave, but added “But get me as soon as you come up with something, or if you see Geralt before me tell him to come and see me”  
Zoltan and Ciri began some small talk to fill the silence, casting glances at Yen. But Yen continued like nothing happened, cleaning the wounds on Margarita’s face until she was satisfied. Then she gathered everything she used and calmly made her way to rinse the cloth in some clean water, pouring the now red herb water out from one of the windows.  
The now bright moon shining through the window caught Yen’s eye, and she stopped everything to stare at it, how it glowed bright against the star colored deep blue sky.  
It had been dusk when she left him, warm breeze had been swifting through the air. Now it was late night, cold air making your breaths turn into small clouds by your mouth.  
She crossed her arms, hands holding tight, fingers digging into her soft flesh. Something from earlier didn’t stop going through in her mind, it was the look on his face and the distance in his eyes, and she now wondered why she didn’t go back to get him. Even with his pale skin tone, she had thought that he was unusual pale. He said that he was only worn out, and she had seen him even worse than that. But if she just had told him to wait, that she would come back for him, force him to come with when he complained about portals, then he would be here. He would know how to deal with everything she didn’t. He would, with the dark and raspy voice of his, whisper something stupidly sweet that no one else heard but she, just to break her tension. It was always something stupid, but it’s one thing that she secretly absolutely loves about him. So, if only she done that, he would be here, with her, _safe_.  
“What I wish you to be here” Yen mumbled quietly and squeezed the arms closer around herself.  
“Yennefer?” Ciri’s voice came softly from her left side, and Yen quickly dropped the arms and tore her gaze from the moon to continue rinsing the cloth.  
“Yes Ciri, what is it?” her voice felt foreign when the words rolled over her tongue. It was calm, cold, just like what she said to Triss. But that woman knew how to rub Yen the wrong way without even using a word. If Yen was true to herself, she knew exactly why she disliked Triss’s presence so much.  
A gentle hand stopped Yen from continue rinsing the now very clean cloth. Yen raised her eyes to look into Ciri’s who held her with a warm but worried gaze.  
Ciri crossed her arms and leaned against the bench, and then the face on the young woman turned into something Yen didn’t like at all. She had seen that look so many times before, but not on that face, and she quickly shook her head.  
“No, no, no. Don’t you even think about it”  
Ciri held out her arms.  
“What?” she said high pitched like she was innocent, but Yen knew better and pointed at Ciri.  
“Don’t you ‘What?’ me. I know everything about that look”  
Ciri shrugged, honestly not knowing what Yen meant.  
“What look?” she said confused.  
Yen crossed her arms and gave Ciri a pointed look.  
“The one Geralt always has when he’s up to something. And you, young lady, isn’t fooling me”  
Ciri got a warm smile on her lips just by Yen mentioning that she takes after Geralt, and it made Yen warm as well to see how deep their bond is. She only wished she had the time to enjoy it during a longer time. Away from trouble and pain, just them and friends, warmth and joy.  
“ _But_ ” Ciri dragged out the word and looked at Yen with eyes that reminded Yen of a cherub “if I _was_ about to do anything. Say, I don’t know, maybe go and see why he’s taking so long. Wouldn’t it be safer if a strong and beautiful and smart sorceress, like yourself, came with me?”  
Yen held her face stone cold, but when those eyes kept looking at her like that she knew why Geralt always was the one to break first, and she dropped her arms.  
“Oh alright, but stop looking at me like that”  
Ciri’s warm smile grew into a grin.  
“Why, don’t you think I’m cute?” she angled her head and leaned closer to Yen, who reached out and gently pushed at it.  
“No I don’t” she said coldly, but then gave Ciri a smile when she heard the laugh. Ciri always knew how to read her. Yen turned around towards the door “Now chop-chop! Stop slacking and let’s go! We have a grumpy old man to find”  
Ciri laughed again and followed Yen. 

 

  
_During that time…_

 

I woke with a start, my arms straining where I hanged in chains that clanked by my movements. By the feeling of it, like the joints in my shoulder had been pulled out, I must have hanged like this a few hours.  
I couldn’t suppress the low groan when I tried moving my head, the searing headache gave a feeling that my head was split in two. My mouth twitched in discomfort by a substance that I suspected was blood, by the scent and stiffness of it, which covered half of my face.  
A shiver ran through my whole body by the coldness that was in the cell and by the pain caused by the toxic that still was in it. I could feel that the level wasn’t as high as before, but it was still profusely in my veins, painting them black. And when I opened my eyes everything was still foggy in front of me, which was another sign that I wasn’t clean of it.  
While trying to see I knew that I have to be in some dungeon. Hell, I probably haven’t even left the prison. The air was humid to the extent that I could feel the dampness on my skin, a layer of murky wet stuff that I don’t even want to know what it was. And so cold it is, that every hair on my body is standing on the shivering skin, it’s no doubt that I’m underground.  
I grunt quietly in irritation when I realized. In some way they had taken my clothes and whole armor of. But thankfully they had the decency leaving my trousers on, so that was something. Or maybe they just weren’t that eager to see my junk.  
Still too irritated for my own good, I dragged my tongue over teeth, staining it with old blood that I didn’t remember how it got there. The last thing I remembered was hearing Menges name. But it has to be wrong, it couldn’t be because I clearly remembered that the heart didn’t beat when Triss and I left him. Or if it still did, the fire swallowing the whole building would have finished the job.  
There was something in the air that suddenly wrinkled my nose. I were surprised that I haven’t noticed that before. Death, or more correctly the smell of a body, maybe even bodies. Whatever the numbers, the smell was distinguely showing that they were decomposing. If I focused my ears, I could even hear the sound of crawling maggots, trying to get as much of the feast as possible.  
“Wonderful” I grumbled and the puff of air tickled my nose “Just what I wished for, rotten bodies and their companions, maggot one and maggot twohundred”  
Lifting my head, I focused at what I saw instead of how I felt, which was anything but great and joyful. My sight was still a little foggy, but I could see the bright moonlight shine between the windows bars, lighting up some of the floor. I quickly noticed that there was no chance of escaping through the window. It looked too small, so even if my hands were free, and I got the bars out of there, I never could squeeze through that hole.  
My eyes caught something that glinted in the moon’s light, and I turned my head to see what it was. But this time I couldn’t ignore what the movement made me feel and I groaned loudly, the pain making my eyes see white spots and I desperately gulped for air so I didn’t faint.  
“Well, well” a voice said muffled, by what I could guess was the door “The wolfie is awake. Menge will be pleased”  
I swore to myself for making that mistake while trying to get the control back over my body. Now I only have a few minutes before the one who calls himself Menge will arrive. But, I can do a lot in just a few minutes.  
I quickly tested my shoulders, and they were still functioning and hadn’t popped out of their joints. I took one more deep breath, then tensed the muscles in my arms and moved my whole body until I hanged upside down. It wasn’t as graceful as they taught me in Kaer Mohren, but it did the trick and I curved my legs around the chains and secured myself with hooking my ankles together.  
The sudden nausea churning in my gut took me by surprise, but I refused giving in to my body’s desperately attempt to fold itself together. I started fiddling with the shackles around my wrists, but stopped when vomit suddenly poured from my mouth making a splashing sound when it landed, staining the already dirty floor.  
I spitted the last vomit to get rid of it, but my nose was still filled with it and were making the nausea linger. I tried to focus through the stench and the pain in my head to see if I could somehow get the shackles of from my wrists. And I had to snort when I saw that they believed these simple chains would stop me from breaking out. I smiled despite the pain and pulled myself up to easily break the chains from ceiling and then landed ungracefully on the floor, were my bare feet complained about the coldness.  
The sound of footsteps got me to sneak and stand behind the door. It was a cliché, but to my defense it almost always worked and hopefully it would this time too.  
It was so satisfying, feeling the face break under my fist and the smell of blood to hit my nose. I quickly got a sword in my hand from the one who got his nose crushed into his brain. One of the two soldiers left swinged a sword, and obviously I took the chance to break the chains binding the shackles together. Then a stomach was sliced open, then a throat cut, and I was finally on my way.  
My head protested with white spots disturbing my sight, but the toxic in my body was almost on a manageable level and it made it easier to ignore my body’s attempts to shut down.  
I pressed my back against a wall, glancing around the corner to quickly retreat again when two more soldiers came towards me. They didn’t notice me, so I waited until they passed by to grab one head, twisting it until the neck cracked. The other didn’t have the chance to react, my sword slicing his throat. And instead of a warning shout the only thing that was heard was gurgling from when the blood drowned the words.  
I crouched by the bodies, listening closely to my surroundings, and when I didn’t hear anything I took off running down the corridor. I avoided windows and anything else where they could discover my escape.  
Now breathing harshly, I tried to decide where to go, I didn’t recognize anything where I ran. With a firm grip around the sword I neared an opening that has to lead out to the courtyard. When there I would know where to go.  
So close to escaping and I wanted nothing more to get the hell out of here. But my ears twitched at something and that got me hesitating before running out. I stayed in the shadows, listening again, but just like last time I heard nothing. My body still didn’t move, whatever made my ears react now also made my body feel different, and I knew myself enough to listen to it and not want to go through that opening.  
I felt the sword in my hand, rearranged it a little to make it fit better in my grip. My body fell into place, exactly like I wanted it, ready to defend and attack, and I slowly inched closer and closer to the opening. Step by step I went through the opening and out to the courtyard.  
My ears pricked before I realized what was happening, and I turned around just in time to take a giant leap back from the spear crashing into the ground. A soldier looked over his shoulder.  
“He’s here, the prisoner is here!”  
Okay so they knew I escaped, that wasn’t great at all. But they also didn’t know who I am, and that can prove to be useful.  
My hand formed a Quen sign, but my body still couldn’t handle what I wanted. Instead I desperately had to avoid the arrows trying to puncture my body, and deflected some of them.  
I needed to get away from here, but now everything was repeating themselves. Everything was like the last time I were here. Soldiers and witchhunter was pouring out from doors and down the stairs, but now my armor was gone and my body trembled by the toxic level and exhaustion. That means I have to run if I want to make it out of here, but it also means I have to fight my way out.  
I easily made out an escape route, remembering it the last time I stood here. Now I succeeded casting a Quen before running. I quickly went down sliding on my knees slicing one soldier and stealing a dagger from another, then up and in a twirl I landed my sword in someone's head and the dagger was thrown into a mouth that screamed at me that I’m a monster. I snorted at that, if I’m a monster then what are they. They who have mages kept in cells where they lie in their own shit, not moving because they have had their spirit beaten out of them. If I’m a monster, that leaves them to be something even darker, like the death itself. And I will never see Yen in a place like this, I will do anything to keep her away, even if it would kill me.  
Suddenly I found myself being surrounded. Mean looking faces staring me down with spears and swords in hand. I readied my trembling hand to make an Igni blast, if they only could come a little closer.  
“What are you waiting for? Don’t you want some more beating?” I grumbled griping my sword tighter.  
Someone had gotten a chance to cut me below the ribs, and I could feel thick blood trickling down the skin. My hand twitched, but I made myself be more patient. I wanted so badly to wipe out those smug faces in front of me.  
The sound of clapping hands made me look over my shoulder. A man came down the stairs with a smile on his lips and his hands slowly clapping. I didn’t recognize him, not at first, but there was something with him I couldn’t put my finger on. And the look in his eyes when they met mine assembled someone else I met.  
“Well, well. This was more entertaining than I imagined” and the voice made me stiffen, because it was the same voice. This was the one who called himself Menge, but it wasn’t Menge, or not the Menge I met.  
I pointed my sword at him, biting my teeth together to keep me from doing or saying anything stupid. Menge held up his hands in surrender.  
“Oh my, do you still think you will make it out of here alive?” he said mockingly, but then his eyes turned into satisfaction “Don’t you think I already knew this? You escaping”  
I refused to give him what he wanted and kept my face stone cold. But the signs like the easy chains made me feel stupid, because of course something was up.  
“And do you really believe I’m afraid of dying?” I grumbled and saw a second of surprise in Menges eyes, but then a smile grew on Menges lips.  
“No, no maybe not” he said and took a step closer, fixing his gaze at me and said coldly “But I think you are afraid to not be there for your daughter”  
This time I couldn’t hold my face. It fell and I stared at Menge, who nodded satisfied at the reaction.  
“Yeah, that’s right. I know about the daughter of yours” Menge smiled waving one hand at his head “Whitish hair, like you. Feisty, like you. And just like her father, she wants to rescue the one she loves”  
I felt the blood within me start to boil, he will keep his hands off from her. Then I understood what he said, and Menge must have seen it because he nodded.  
“She and that whore mage of yours will soon be here. And when they do” Menge said and his face turned into something that made me bit down and breathe harder, then Menge said filled with lust and hatred “I will have so much fun with them”  
Suddenly I felt ground beneath my hand, fire blasting from it and the wall of fire forced soldiers away from my body, them burning and screaming. Then I stalked towards Menge, my body heaving with want to kill him.  
“You will not touch them, you piece of filth” I growled making my body ready to fight. But then my feet wobbled when something sting my neck, and everything went quickly after that. In one second my feet lost ground and I fell down on my knees. My eyes could barely see anything before me, everything foggy.  
Then a voice was beside my ear.  
“And did you really think that I don’t have anything to stop you? Didn’t you see the bodies in your cell” My own body went cold, then Menge whispered “They’re all witchers”


	3. What I suffer...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have extended this story, because this chapter became too long so I had to cut it into three.  
> (Have in mind that this time I'm sick so expect typos and stuff)
> 
> THANK YOU FOR THE KUDOS! They give me the will to write:D

Their gazes felt like bugs, crawling all over my body. Like an animal I hanged in chains, the liquid they’ve put in my body was making my legs too weak that I couldn’t even hold my body up. But this time my head was clear as a day, only pain lingering from the beating.  
I saw them all standing behind Menge, staring at me and every scar that marked my body. Like I were the prized animal their leader finally caught and they wanted to see. In a way I were. It wasn’t unusual for me to be hunted, but in that case it was because I were a witcher. This was a whole different level. This Menge guy wanted me, because of _me_. He wanted what he called me ‘The legendary Geralt of Rivia, Butcher of Blaviken’.  
I still haven’t worked that one out yet, why he thought me as a legend, or why he tortured and murdered several witchers just to get to _me_. The last one affected me the most, because I have been by their corpses without giving them the respect they deserved. I’ve even got crazy imaginations about one of those having the rotten face of Eskel or Lambert.  
“Why are you different from the other witchers?” Menge prodded once again and held the blunted mace ready in hand, like he thought that would scare me.  
Me feeling strange by the stuff they’ve been giving me, gave him a crocked smile, teeth red with fresh blood.  
“And why do you still believe I’m going to answer any of your questions?” I mumbled ”Are you dumb or something?” and voices suddenly talked hurriedly behind Menge, but then I snorted and shook my aching head “Don’t answer the last one, I already know the answer”  
My head jerked to the left when the mace slammed into my jaw with a hard blow. My head hanged in defeat for a moment before I trembling lifted it, blood dripping in chunks from my lower lip.  
I gave Menge a cold hard glare, but he just smiled at me.  
“There you are” He said satisfied and rested the mace on his shoulder.  
I wrinkled my nose in disgust when Menge dragged a finger along the mace, my blood coloring it red, and put the finger in his mouth. Then he gave me another smile, walking towards me.  
“The snarky you are boring” he said and lowered his head towards and nodded at me “This one. Yeah, this one I like. This raw brutish side of you, and those animalistic eyes of yours showing me what you are. Inhuman, a mutant”  
“If you untie my hands I can show you more properly how brutishly I can be” I growled lowly.  
Menges eyes sparkled.  
“Oh that fire in your eyes, I like it!” He said gleefully and kept his gaze on my eyes while backing away, like he couldn’t tear it away from them, before turning around waving at two soldiers “Take him back to the cell and do as told”.  
When the soldiers took me down, I couldn’t do anything but let them drag me by my legs back to the cell, the one I just hours ago escaped from.  
It burned in my gut by being so weak and in no control. This thing was treating me like a toy!  
I was hauled into the cell and my face smacked hard against the cold floor. Footsteps filled the silence, but when they were gone my breaths were the only thing echoing in my ears. They were coming out haggard and shallow by exhaustion and agony, and I slowly turned my face to the side to ease the breathing.  
I felt too tired to move, but some puff of air later, I willed my body to move anyway. My arms shaked in fatigue when I pushed my face from the floor and the pool of blood coming from my lower lip, where the fall had caused my teeth to impaled it.  
I dragged my body around until I sat with my back against the wall, with an unreal feeling filling my body.  
With slow breaths keeping me from fainting, I held my gaze at the ceiling, not yet ready to see who those where that the awful smell belonged to.  
My gaze noticed the only source of light in the cell, and suddenly it moved by itself and followed the moon’s light until I saw the bright orb between the bars.  
“How have everything come to this?” I breathed, my voice loud in the silence, and I turned my focus to the ceiling again.  
The chilled air at my bare skin were making me long more desperately for the warmth of another body, to have her scent drowning everything else.  
“What I suffer just to see your face again” the words tumbled from my mouth, knowing it would be much easier to not continue breathing.  
It was thoughts that I before never would be thinking, but they now filled my mind. With great blood loss and every bone in my body aching, probably several of them fractured, my eyes unconsciously searched for a sharp object.  
But every thought about freeing myself from this was met by another memory, until it felt like I had her silky hair between my fingers. I held my shaking fingers in front of me, just to see if it really was a memory and not real. But nothing but my hand met my gaze.  
I groaned and scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling more sluggish now than before.  
“What the hell have they been giving me” it came out like I’ve been drinking all night, and before I knew it everything went black. 

 

 

 _Not far from Geralt…_

 

The sudden stench twisted Yen’s stomach and she quickly held a hand over nose and mouth, like the others did too. When they rounded the corner she saw the reason behind it, and she couldn’t believe she forced Geralt to go through this alone. He had genuinely asked if she would join him, then became grouchy when he realized she wouldn’t.  
“That’s a lot of drowners and hags, even for Geralt” Zoltan’s voice murmured and he hefted his axe higher while looking at the corpses they passed by.  
His comment made the guilt even more heavy on Yen, but she ignored the feeling. To feel anything now isn’t making the task easier. Feelings is what make you weak, and Yen were anything but weak. If they’re going to make this a successful mission she need to be focused. She has to be strong, and _not_ fall into some emotional black hole because of feelings.  
A sound made Yen look over her shoulder where she saw Ciri, who had a worrying wrinkle between her brows. Yen turned back, the quick movement making her silky raven locks look like they were dancing along her shoulders.  
“Geralt can take down this amount while beeing half asleep and without any sort of armor. I have seen it myself” she said like it wasn’t anything to think about, and she felt satisfied when she heard a relieved sigh from behind.  
Zoltan stopped beside Yen when the sewer’s tunnel split into three.  
“Alright, do anyone know where to go?” he said but gave Yen his attention, who closed her eyes to feel where Geralt’s presence went.  
“Can anyone tell me why we are going through the sewers?” Dandelion suddenly voiced from behind, twitching at every abnormal sound and fingers still pinching his nose.  
“You know, you could just have stayed at the Chameleon” Ciri said standing beside Dandelion, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised at him.  
“Yeah, by the way” Zoltan said turning around “Why did ye come?”  
Dandelion crossed his arms and looked at both Ciri and Zoltan.  
“Why Geralt is my friend, and I want to be there if he needs me” he said like they’ve insulted him.  
Ciri mimicked him, crossing her arms then she gave him an amused look.  
“Really, that’s the only reason?”  
Dandelion caved at her look and sighed, lowering his arms.  
“Okay, okay. I also want to rub in his face that I too have saved him”  
Yen found herself having a small smile on her lips by Dandelions words. She knew what the two of them have been through, and how many times Geralt saved Dandelion from death.  
She nodded at where they should go.  
“This way” she said and didn’t wait for a reaction from the others.  
She took the tunnel to the right, where now when she was focused could feel his presence as if he was walking just in front of her, and every step Yen took was making her more impatient. Because, it doesn’t matter how fast she went, she could never catch up with the shadow of him. She couldn’t reach out and her fingers touch the rough leather of his armor. 

 

  
An orange glowing light further down the tunnel made Yen’s steps falter, and she quickly held out a hand stopping the others. Zoltan followed her gaze and gripped his axe tighter. Their eyes met, amber meeting violet, and when both nodded Yen summoned her magic and Zoltan prepared to swing at whoever it was.  
Yen’s lips formed the first word, but red hair got her magic to die down, and Triss widened eyes looked between Zoltan and Yen. Everyone sighed in relief.  
“What are you doing here?” Triss hissed when she collected herself, and Yen crossed her arms with a huff.  
“I should ask you the same question” she said giving Triss a stern look, but Triss only sighed.  
“You told me where Margarita was, and how you would get her”  
Yen nodded, that she remembered.  
“Yes, but that doesn’t explain how you knew where to go in these sewers”  
Triss’s eyes turned into something like satisfaction, and Yen didn’t like that look.  
“I followed his presence of course” she said, and Yen couldn’t believe the pain those words caused her.  
It was like a punch into her chest, and all she wanted now was Triss to feel the same punch, but in her face. Only those who are really close can feel a presence this old.  
“Let’s go” Yen said shortly and passed Triss, ignoring everyone’s eyes on her back.  
Yen relaxed her hands, going from clenched fists to normal, and continued where the presence led her. Until she came to a dead end, bars making it impossible to go further. Not impossible for her, she could just summon a portal, but to Geralt it was.  
Yen turned her head to the right, and sighed deeply at the big hole in the wall. This dark feeling in her chest that was impossible to be rid of was making her sloppy. She didn’t even notice the big damn hole in the wall.  
Unlike Triss, Yen had changed clothes for this mission and could easily climb up into the hole. And a smile graced her lips when she heard Triss swear over the dress’s fabric getting stuck everywhere, but she let it go this time and instead she focused on Geralt. 

 

_While Yen was struggling with unwanted feelings…_

 

Something crawling over my stomach forced my eyelids to open. Still feeling drowsy I looked down, but seeing rats gnawing at my skin I quickly woke and swatted them away.  
“Fucking bastards, can’t even wait until I’m dead” I grumbled and took a deep breath to collect myself.  
Surprisingly I felt fine. If I ignored the wounds the rats made who stung like hell, and the pounding in my jaw from the mace’s blow, and my whole body still aching with exhaustion and agony. Besides that, I felt fine.  
The rats had now found another victim, but this one wouldn’t mind being eaten. Seeing that I found myself trying to stand, but leaned a hand against the cold surface of the wall when my feet wobbled.  
“Time to see who you guys are” I mumbled while still being unstable moved towards the bodies in the corner, that looked like someone just dumped them there.  
I clumsily fell down on my knees beside the bodies and reached my hand towards one of them, fumbling with worn and damped leather armor.  
“They had some decency to let you keep your gear on” I mumbled to the unrecognizable swollen face that the rats already had been gnawing on, and then I found what I was looking for.  
Cold hard steel against my skin, I turned the Medallion in my hand. This one was from the school of Bear, and a part of me felt relieved while the other grieved the loss of another witcher.  
I sighed while letting go of the Medallion and continued to the next body, and the next. It resulted in ten bodies, all different schools, but no from Wolf. No Eskel, no Lambert.  
I collapsed against the wall, me giving into the need to breathe. As I sat there in silence, a sudden thought hit me, that I were breathing while these witchers were not. I were the fault of this, and still it was me who were left alive.  
I moved quickly, once more ignoring my body’s protests, and with a grunt of exertion I started to drag the bodies. The hideous stench of death was oozing from them by the move and making my nose wrinkle, but the smell was nothing that I weren’t used to. 

 

Sweat covered every inch of my bare skin when I were finally done. Like the others I positioned the Medallion on the last of the bodies and fell down on my knees. I aligned my body like I were going to meditate, then closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  
“You, my fellow witchers” I started, my voice hoarse “who have been taken from this world too soon with the wrong reason. I plead for your forgiveness, for I am the reason this is brought upon you.”  
“I can’t neither give you the burials you deserve, or bring you the swords belonging on your backs. But I can try to avenge you”  
“I am guiding you onto the other side, hoping you find the peace you didn’t get in the end of this lifetime.”  
I slowly opened my eyes again, my body by now completely drained of energy.  
“What was that hokus pokus?” a sudden voice said.  
A guard glanced through the bars of the cell door, and I gritted my teeth with clenching hands resting on my thighs.  
The guard startled back when I suddenly stood face to face with him, but on the other side of the bars. My yellow stared into his widened human eyes.  
The sudden pressure in my chest made me raise my hand, not for one second leaving the other eyes.  
“You know how the hot summer’s day can be?” I said calmly my gaze shifting from the hand I raised to the bars, then I glared at the guard and growled “This will be more painful”.  
My hand pushed Igni through the bars, lighting the guard on fire. Painful screams filled the corridor from the guard who was eaten up, and I slowly backed away while the orange fire’s light licked the wall. Standing against the wall I now only saw a desperate shadow trying to put out the deathly warmth surrounding it.  
The consequence for doing that to the guard was me being filled again with the strange fluid and dragged out from the cell. This time it was the other soldiers who wanted revenge for the guard that now where only an ashen corps.  
When I were dragged by the blackened stiff body, I didn’t have any regrets for what I’ve done. The guard was one of them, and I had to get some vengeance for the fallen witchers, even if the one I wanted to give them were Menge.  
They threw me out on the courtyard and I tumbled to the ground. With rain sprinkling hard against my bare skin and wind howling in my ears, I got on my knees. In the bright moon’s presence you could clearly see my body trembling with hands tied behind my back, which brought misunderstood laughs from the soldiers.  
“Not so tough now, freak!” one said, the rest nodding with while poniting their weapons at me. 

 

  
_Meanwhile, Yen and the others had made their way into the jail cells, finding some of those who Geralt let free but they had been caught while fleeing…  
_

Ciri helped an elder woman up on her feet. The punishment the mage had gotten was clear with blood covering the back where her tunic been teared by the ruthless beating. Ciri couldn’t think about what this woman more had been through, being a woman, that would only make her mind black with hatred which they couldn’t afford. She needs to keep her mind as clear as possible.  
The woman met Ciri’s eyes with a swollen eye but a warm tired smile on her lips, and Ciri felt a wonder towards the other woman, about how strong she was. After everything, she still found warmth within her body, and giving it towards a stranger too.  
Ciri laid her arm around the waist of the woman and helped her towards the tunnel. What she had heard from the others who had been caught again, they had pleaded to Geralt to get out of here. But even if he nodded at them that he would, they never saw him again. They themselves only had gotten to where the sewer tunnel is divided into several, the fear of wandering into the unknown to great to overcome. Then the witch hunters had quickly found them.  
“Thank you” a whisper brought Ciri out of her thoughts, and she gave the woman a smile. Then Ciri shook her head at the woman, but also to keep it clear.  
“No need” she said, but then she thought back to one of the lessons Geralt given her, and changed her answer “I mean, I am truly glad that I could be here to help you”  
Even if he didn’t show any warmth, when Ciri had help a little girl who gotten lost in the woods back to her parents, Geralt had taken Ciri to the side when she said ‘No need’ to the parents when they’d thanked her. And he had told her, that ‘even if you think it isn’t necessary to be thanked, the one who do it wants to. And the right thing to do is to accept their thanks, that way they feel like their gratitude is of any worth to us’.  
“Do you know what happened to the one who saved us before?” the woman said beside Ciri.  
Ciri’s eyes began to sting, but she quickly pushed away the haunted thought to look at the woman. Ciri gave her another smile.  
“We don’t know yet, that’s why we’re here” Ciri answered and the woman’s gaze lowered with worry.  
“Oh” she breathed then mumbled “I really hope he is safe”  
Ciri felt a sudden exploding pride to hear someone talk like that about her... Geralt. Otherwise they talked about Geralt like he was the plague, so this was something Ciri gladly heard more of. But she too felt something else, something that stubbornly came to the surface clawing in her chest. Worry.  
“I’m sorry, my dear” Ciri helped the woman down into the sewer’s tunnel, but Ciri just answered with another smile and a shake of her head.  
“No,ehm, no nee- I mean I, ehm I-” The woman took a hold on Ciri’s hand and stopped her words. Their eyes met.  
“It is okay to feel worry” The woman said lowly but with a powerful voice, and Ciri felt another wave of wonder for her “It is okay to feel worry, as long as you control it you can hold it proud. That way you get more motivation to keep others and yourself alive, just to see the one you worry about again”  
Ciri opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out, she just felt so relieved by the woman's words.  
Ciri took a moment.  
“Thank you” she then breathed to the woman, who nodded with a warm smile.  
“I’m glad to have helped you. Just promise me to keep yourself alive so you can visit me with that father of yours”  
Ciri chuckled with wet eyes, then she stiffened.  
“How did you?” but the older woman just tapped a finger at her own head, then winked at Ciri.  
“A witch, you know” then the woman joined the others, walking the directions Yen has been given them.  
Ciri kept her eyes on the mages until they turned around the corner, then she let out a puff of air and straighten herself standing.  
“You alright there, Ciri?” Ciri quickly turned towards Zoltan who observed her with concerned eyes, and she nodded, but this time letting herself feel the worry.


	4. What I fear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update (for those who follow this story:) ) but with christmas and school it's hard to find time. But now is the time for some cruelty...or I mean... cute fluffy kittens... No I mean gore and blood *hides under my blanket*
> 
> Hope you like it! As it seems now, there will be only one more chapter. (If you want me to include some smut in it, or not, please comment so I know while writing)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos!

Yen glanced at Ciri when she and Zoltan joined them. The first thing Yen noticed was the worried wrinkle Ciri had between her eyebrows, but this time there was something different with the girl who made Yen feel calm, like she didn’t need to assure Ciri. Instead Yen turned to Dandelion who fiddled with a sword he found.  
“You sure you’re not following the mages?” Yen said and when Dandelion started to say no but at the same time cut his thumb on the sword, she raised an eyebrow at him “You sure?”.  
“Yeah, I’m sure. Me and Geralt have been through a lot worse than this” Dandelion said, then brighten “Have I told you about the time we almost died by the hand of Scoia’tael?”  
“Yes” they all hissed in unison, making Dandelion widened his eyes.  
“Oh, okay” Dandelion said, wondering at their tone how many times he really told the story. But then he changed topic with a swing of his sword, almost cutting Triss cheek “But do we know how to go from here?”  
Triss gave Dandelion a stern look who by it gave her an apologetic smile, then she turned to the others.  
“I can tell you where the other cells are, but we will have to cross the courtyard” she said and nodded towards one of the doors “That one will lead us to the surface”.  
Yen snorted, crossing her arms.  
“And how can you know all this?”  
Triss mimicked Yen, crossing her arms.  
“This isn’t my first time here” she mumbled, and Yen felt a little guilty at that. A little.  
“Okay, fine. Then we go together. We don’t want them to get a sniff that something’s going on” Yen proposed.  
“Agreed, that way we all also can have each other's back” Zoltan said, heavy axe in hand.  
“Yeah” Ciri hesitated, pointing at Dandelion who played with his sword “But I don’t think that one should have that”.  
Dandelion stopped and snorted with a straight back.  
“I should have you know, that Geralt himself have taught me to handle a sword”  
“And, how did that go?” Ciri questioned him, and Dandelion looked abashed by it.  
“Yeah, _well_ , if to be honest. It was not a pleasant moment” Dandelion admitted, then mumbled “He took the sword away when I almost cut his head off” and when Ciri snickered he quickly added “It was by accident, mind you”  
“Ay, let the man hold a sword” Zoltan chimed in, and nodded at Dandelion “Hopefully he can defend himself with it” who gave Zoltan a smile by the words and proudly held the sword in an awkward position, which made Zoltan grimace and mumble “Hopefully”.  
Yen shook her head at them, then turned and carefully opened the door, glancing through the opening. She sighed in relief by the one soldier guarding the door, and by the sound of it he was on his way to turn around.  
“Davon, what have I said abou-” more wasn’t heard from the soldier before he was electrocuted by Yen’s hand.  
Yen drew back her magic then listened, but the only thing she heard was muffled voices, sounding like they came from above.  
Yen nodded at the others to follow, and they efficiently made their way up the staircase. And the more they neared the surface, the voices became clearer, and to Yen they sounded both amused but also angry. It was like a fight was going on, and Yen felt her skin tingle. Her magic was ready to strike.  
They hid behind a pillar, and peaked at the large crowd of soldiers and witch hunters that was gathered in the courtyard, listening to someone who Yen couldn’t see who it was. But while the crowd was absorbed with whoever was talking, Yen and the others took the chance to slink past and down the other stairs who led to the cells Triss said Geralt has to be in.  
The narrow stairs that led further down into darkness felt like it was going on forever. But as soon as Yen felt the strong presence of him, she started running. Not because of how much she missed him, but oh she did, oh she absolutely did miss him. But the reason of the need to get there as soon as possible, was because how tormented the presence were. It pricked on Yen’s skin like someone just slapped her, and she couldn’t stop the instinct to overcome. 

 

_The echo of Yen’s steps stretched through the corridors…_

My ears twitched by the sound. It was footsteps, running, and it was tearing me from the darkness filling my head. I needed to see who it was, so I pressured my muscles to raise my head, and just as I forced my eyelid to open a shadow appeared outside the door of my cell. At first, I couldn’t let myself believe it, but when my heart almost burst by the sudden scent lingering in the air, I let myself do just that.  
“Yen?” my voice questioned, barely heard in the cell. It was broken, sore.  
Every muscle of my body felt to heavy, but I forced my feet under me and pushed myself standing when the beating of her heart became stronger.  
The door suddenly swinged open, and when the strong scent of her hit my nose it was like I could feel every pain in my body slowly dissolve into nothing.  
I watched the foggy shadow near me, black and white on the body that belonged to her. The soft, natural sway of her hips. Scent tingling in my nose, drowning every ounce of death.  
“Yen” I breathed, and lowered my head feeling relieved when a soft hand touched my neck. It felt like years since she touched me, and my body were suddenly yearning for more.  
“Guess again, freak” and I almost drowned in my own chock by the foreigner voice. The hand on my neck yanked my hair until my throat protested by the angle, and a blurred cold smile met my eyes “My boss wants you”. 

 

  
A low groan slipped through my lips while I awoke. Bleared- eyed I tried to focus on my surroundings. I could feel rain touching my skin, but this time the rain felt like soft kisses against my body, and there was no wind making me shiver by cold.  
I quickly realized that my hands were bound over my head, but it no longer mattered that the situation needed me to tear myself away, because my body was empty. The will that I had before, to always fight back, it had left me. It didn’t matter how much I searched within myself, because the only thing that I found were darkness and pain.  
Even my own mind betrayed me when I the most needed to keep myself sane. Yen. Even now, still knowing it was only an illusion, my mind kept believing I saw Yen. I still remembered how her soft hand felt against my neck, and the yearning to feel more of her.  
I could do nothing but keep my head hanging in defeat, dirty white long strands of hair blocking my sight.  
I tried to take slow deep breaths to collect myself, but my aching ribs made them shallow and haggard.  
A hand gripped my chin pulling my head up, white hair dividing while doing so, and my eyes met Menge’s. He didn’t look satisfied.  
“What have you done to him?” Menge growled and turned to the gathering, letting my chin go to point at me “This isn’t how I left him! What have I said about touching what’s mine! Who is responsible?!” No one voiced anything “Tell me, or I will tear you all apart!”  
That got everyone mumbling, and I tried to understand what was happening. But I know I saw a couple of soldiers getting hauled up to Menge, who without remorse one by one smashed his mace into their skulls. Nothing surprised me anymore.  
The hand was back, lifting my head and Menges blood stained face inspected mine.  
“What’s happening to you is going to be by my hands, and my hands only” he whispered, gracing his thumbs over my lower lip.  
I snorted, blood flowing down my nose by doing so.  
“You’re delusional” I mumbled with groggy voice, my mind deceiving me once again by me deciding to end myself as soon as I were alone in my cell. That way Menge would never be the one deciding my fate.  
Menge smiled at me, then straighten himself, hands on hips.  
“Maybe so” Menge shrugged “but I have plans for you, and I will have them done before ending your life myself” 

 

_Finding the cells empty, Yen and the others desperately trying to find Geralt...and they did…_

Triss gasped silently behind the low wall when she saw what was happening. They all hid on the second floor and had a good view over the courtyard, where the crowd still was gathered. But now they saw why they all were here.  
Zoltan growled, gripping the axe tightly until his knuckles became white, then he met Yen’s gaze.  
“We need to do something, quickly” he said and Yen nodded, herself unconsciously holding the pendant given by Geralt with a deathly grip.  
Dandelion had already lowered himself, back against the wall, and now he scrubbed a hand over his pale face. Ciri saw this and put a trembling hand on his shoulder, squeezing it securing.  
“We got this” she whispered just enough to him to hear “We’re going to figure this out”.  
Dandelion smiled at her with appreciation and squeezed her hand with his own, but his face was still too pale to be healthy.  
Ciri turned back to glance over the wall. Her gaze wandered over the bruises, cuts and blood. The usually white as snow hair, that she always when a child found herself loosing herself in the beauty when sun kissed it, it now was dirty with both mud and blood. His hands were tied so hard against the pole that blood had trickled down his arms, and that’s when Ciri noticed the blackness of it. His blood was too dark, the poison level was too high!  
Ciri quickly turned to Yen, pulling at her sleeve.  
“They’ve poisoned him” Ciri whispered harshly, meeting Yen’s eyes “Yen, his blood is too dark. We have to do something, or else he will die for sure”  
Yen’s eyes turned cold, and her voice was even colder.  
“I know” 

 

Ciri doesn’t know what she’d expected to see, but one thing she knew is that she wasn’t prepared for this. After all this time, Ciri had never seen Geralt like this. Not the wounds on his body, but that the will to fight was nowhere to be seen. From where she was hiding, she could feel how he has given up, and she hated it. Geralt has always been strong and the one to steady Ciri. He never ever seemed to stop knowing what to say to get Ciri on a better mind. Geralt was always _there_ , and Ciri couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t.  
When the thoughts made the pressure in her chest become too much, Ciri focused on the smiling Geralt when they’ve had their snowball fight. She focused on the face Geralt made when he realized Vesemir was gone. She remembered the hugs, and how one of them could take every fear away, even if it only was for a moment they never stopped having that power. Geralt always made Ciri feel safe, ever since she was just a little girl, and this wasn’t her Geralt. The one who have given up, nothing left but a shell, was not the Geralt she knew.  
When the pressure was turned into something hot, she remembered who she has seen that was responsible for this. That bastard had done this to Geralt, and Ciri will see life leave that scum’s eyes when she’s done with him!  
Ciri focused on the hot feeling burning inside of her, her memories and Yen’s plan.  
“Do you know when the witch bitch is coming for the freak?” some soldier said around the corner of the pillar Ciri hid behind in the shadows.  
Her hand clenched around the sword. They knew they were coming. That complicated a great deal, but now they know their surprise element won’t really work, not quite.  
Ciri raised gaze to where Dandelion was in the second floor, then to where Zoltan stood behind some barrels beside the biggest group of soldiers. Ciri knew Triss was beside Dandelion, ready with her magic, and Yen should soon be somewhere near where Geralt hanged.  
This have to work. It has to. 

 

_Moving in the shadows, taking the early morning and grey weather as help, Yen suddenly was nearing Geralt and her goal…_

The coldness from the pillar’s surface was seeping through Yen’s cloak, when she pressed her back against it. From here she could hear the ragged and shallow breaths from him. In every one of them she could feel the pain he was going through, and she quickly grabbed the pendant resting against her chest. In her chest, where something felt like it was slicing her into pieces. She now knew what this feeling is, the one causing her inner to fight with her logical mind. What she feels is fear.  
“What I fear, is losing him” Yen breathed, only for her ears to hear. What she fears, is to never see him again.  
Yen bit her inner cheek to get her away from the fear’s cold dark tendrils within her. There is no time thinking about that.  
Yen checked with Triss, who nodded at her that she was ready. Never in Yen's life she would’ve believed that, after everything, she’d be working with her old friend again. But she needed Triss’s magic to pull this through.  
Wait until the distraction. Grab Geralt. Make a portal and push him through it. Make a barrier around the group. Make another portal and get the hell out of here. It sounded easy enough for her to do.  
Yen took a deep breath though her nose, letting the air out between her lips. When everyone sounded distant, she raised her hand to make the sign.  
“Are you ready to answer my questions?” Yen’s hand stilled by the voice, it was the one behind everything.  
Yen quickly lowered her hand and carefully glanced around the corner, her eyes widened by the closer look of Geralt, and she quickly bit her lip from making a sound. His yellow eyes were tired, barely open when he met the man in front of him. The dried dark blood under his nose and chin was the only color in his pale, almost white face. Yen had never experienced Geralt's veins being so black before, but she had heard him talking about the few times it come to that. She also knew how dangerous it is for them to be that way.  
“Are you going to answer my questions, or do we have to wait for the daughter and the bitch of yours?” the man taunted, and something that before was missing, suddenly appeared in the yellow color.  
The man before Geralt had made the mistake to stand too close. Geralt, with incredible force, knocked his forehead right into the man’s nose, and a loud cracking noise came from the impact. The man staggered back, holding his nose where blood was flowing.  
“I will kill you if you touch them!” Geralt growled with such anger Yen never seen before.  
He was seething and pulled at the chains digging around his wrists. Yen saw the fresh blood trickling down his arms and the sight of bone beneath the deep wounds on his wrists.  
“Let me go and I will show you what I can do, you piece of shit!” Geralt's eyes burned with new energy, no longer did they look tired and lifeless.  
The man holding his nose, suddenly straighten his back, looking at Geralt. Then he started to laugh. Blood was pouring down his nose when he snorted out the laugh. But then the man stopped, and he smiled at Geralt with a nod.  
“If you can break out of your chains, then I would let you fight me, and only me” the voice of the man was calm, like he knew he had won.  
Geralt stilled, heavy breaths coming from his mouth.  
“So, you say” he said, swallowing with a grimace “That I only have to break out from these chains? Nothing else?”  
“You have my word, and you know how badly I want you alive” the man answered, and Geralt nodded.  
“Okay, deal” he breathed, and Yen just wanted to slap him. How can he be so-  
Yen stopped her thoughts, because of course he’s not that stupid. Something is going on in his mind, she just knew it. But still, what she then saw was something she’d never forget.  
Geralt leveled the other man with a fierce look, then drew back his left hand and Yen’s breaths stopped when he slammed it against the pole. The other man stiffened and something in his eyes changed when Geralt continued slamming his hand against the pole, until a crack was heard.  
Geralt slid his limp hand, where the angles were all wrong, out from the shackle. Then he easily could get the chains around the pole with his right, dominant hand. When Geralt stepped down, chains and shackle still around his right hand, Yen still couldn’t breathe.  
“You see” Geralt began, walking closer to the other man “I only need one hand to see that you will never breathe again, Menge”  
Yen stared at the other man. Menge was dead, and if her memory didn’t fail her, that wasn’t Menge. But, did Menge have a brother?  
“Stop him!” Menge roared, waving his hands at the soldiers “I’m not finished with him! Stop him!”  
Geralt moved his right hand, fingers twitching in a way Yen recognized so dearly. He was shielded, and it made her decide that now was the time.  
Yen made the sign, and balls of fire started raining down over the soldiers. Screams and panic soon filled the air and ears. Yen took the moment to throw fire balls, when she heard an explosion that she too recognized too well.  
Yen's gaze landed on Geralt, and something was sticking out from his neck. She didn’t even have the time to form a thought before Geralt started to wobble when he tried to reach Menge. And when he fell down on his knees, soldiers was on their way to surround him, Menge almost putting his hands on him, Yen’s mind went as black as the darkest place in the universe.  
The soldiers surrounding Geralt was suddenly twitching by the electricity coming from Yen's hands.  
“You will not touch him, ever again!” a voice exploded like the fiercest thunder, and the sore throat was the sign that the unnatural voice came from Yen.  
Menge stared at her with chock, but before Yen could react he had grabbed Geralt’s limp body to shield himself with it.  
“Do not believe that will stop me!” Yen pulled magic from deep within, and continue to glare at Menge, when a smile was formed on the man's lips. 

 

_The liquid was forcing its way through my body, but still. I could hear her voice. Like the clearest day, I could hear her. And I needed to see if she was for real…_

There she was, as fierce and beautiful as ever. Electricity was flowing from her hands by the powerful magic, and the sparkling light was making it look like her purple eyes were glowing.  
I lifted my head to see her better. It was hard to keep it straight by this point, but it was worth it, just to see her like this.  
“Ye-” My tired voice stopped abruptly when it felt like the air had disappeared from my lungs. Then a strange warmth flowed down over my stomach.  
I tried to take a deep breath to get the air back into my lungs, but it didn’t work. So, I tried to cough, but instead of air something else came from my throat trickling between my lips and down my mouth.  
My eyes met Yen’s, and I saw the strangest thing. It wasn’t concern, but something I’ve never seen in the eyes belonging to the only one I've come to love so deeply. Fear.


	5. What I fear...(part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after the last chapter?
> 
> Geralt wakes up, but to what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Hi!  
> What do you mean I'm very late with this update? Naaah, it's not thaaat late. Is it?  
> Almost four months? Yikes, that IS late. Oh, or, I mean, nah it's just in your imagination. I have been here all the time :D
> 
> But, anyway. I'm here with another chapter. I really hope it will satisfy some of your need! If it does, please let me know :D

The first thing I noticed, was the muffled sounds of birds coming from outside the window. Turning my head while waking up from deep sleep, listening to their singing, I soon recognized the chirping songs. The birds were singing to the arriving spring and to the early sun I could glimpse through the window, where it was on its way to arise. I felt how the sun rays began warming the room I lay in, bringing another day and another moment to wake-up. 

While I became more aware, lying on my side, I noticed a second thing. A warm body curled close against my own, the face’s slow breaths puffing against my bare, pale skin. My memories were still a little foggy from last night, but with her like this, snuggling close to me, it must’ve been something really nice. 

Her scent made its way up my nose, and I greedily breathed it in. It was mixed now, not only the scent of her fragrance of lilac and berries, but also her natural scent and the scent of us. _Oh yeah_ , we’ve been up to something really good, based on the scent. 

I gave into the need to lower my head until her raven hair met my nose, and the stronger scent of her filled my lungs. 

“You perverted Wolf” a sleepy croaky voice sounded beneath me, and I chuckled huskily. 

“Can’t help it, you smell too nice” I twirled a lock of black hair around my finger, burying my nose in her hair, my voice muffled by it “It makes me want to never leave this bed” 

It was quiet for a moment, only our slow breaths and bird’s singing keeping the silence from taking over. 

“Let's not” she said, her finger making an invisible pattern on my chest. A shiver went down my back by her touch. 

I gave her head a soft peck, tightening my arms and drawing her soft body closer, until the curves of her breasts was pressed against me. I felt plump lips kissing one of my many scars, and another shiver now traveled through my whole body. 

‘Okay’ I wanted to say. I even opened my mouth to say it, my vocal chords ready to say it. But I couldn’t. Because, something was suddenly nagging in my mind. 

My hand that been caressing her soft skin, it stopped. Yen suddenly felt too cold against my warm skin. 

“Yen?” my throat felt too tight while saying it, the nagging feeling in my mind growing by the lack of answer. 

I held Yen closer to me, shaking her carefully while saying her name once more. How her body moved in an unnatural way in my arms made me swallow thickly. 

“Stop this, Yen” I tried when she still gave no answer, like she was playing a game and me denying any dread that has started to take its root inside of me. 

I began to take a deep breath, but it was cut off. My eyes now wide-open, stared at the window where the sun suddenly was nowhere to be seen. A cold blackness had swallowed the sun and with it the birds and their singing. My imagination made the cold blackness look like smoky tendrils trying to seep through the windows gaps, clawing its way towards the bed. 

When seconds gone by, with still no answer, I leaned back to look down at her face. But I quickly startled backwards, jumping out of the bed, by the whiteness in the otherwise purple eyes. 

“No” I whispered, my voice sounding like I’ve been screaming for hours. She was alive, just a moment ago. I remember her scent. I remember my body responding to her touch, but the scent I before breathed in greedily, it was now only reeking of death. 

I pushed my back against the wall while staring at the lifeless image of Yen. Her hair surrounded the head like a darkly halo and her naked body had taken a white grayish tone that I was too used to see on a body. It was like looking at an angel of death. 

I took a deep breath to calm myself, still staring at Yen and still not accepting what was going on, but the air only came halfway before it just stopped. I couldn't breathe.  
I used the last of the air in my lungs to say her name, but it didn’t help. Life still didn’t return to her eyes. It was a useless attempt, leaving me suffocating sooner than before. 

The image of her became too much, I closed my eyes to not see it, but it still left me with a pressure over my lungs that already was desperate for air. I suddenly felt my fingers clawing at my chest that tried to move but no longer could, it must be my instincts making me do anything because of the need to keep breathing. 

My mouth began to give away a taste of iron and when a drop of red hit the floor I was standing on, I realized that blood was pouring down my lips. The lack of air was tearing my lungs apart. 

I quickly reached my arms to keep clawing at my chest. It was something in my mind that was telling me that I need to get it open, that way I would get air into my lungs. But somehow, I was hold back. My hands wouldn’t reach to the place where my fingernails had already made their marks. 

No, this can’t be it! I need to keep breathing! I need air inside my lungs! 

 

 

_Yen eyes sting by the raw voice suddenly ending the silence, startling them all in the room awake.  
_

 

Geralt’s voice, screaming in agony, woke them all up. He was desperately clawing at his chest where you could already see deep marks on his skin from the blunt nails. Yen was quick on her feet, reaching and trying to force his arms at his side, but Geralt was too strong. 

Yen then saw Geralt’s blood smeared lips, fresh bright red blood and knew what was happening. The lung was starting to reopen again. They need to calm him down!  
Zoltan appeared on the other side of the bed, taking one of the arms to keep Geralt from hurting himself. Yen quickly moved and took the other arm, hanging on it with all of her weight while wracking her head to think of something that may be of help. But before she could think of something, anything, red hair came into view and Yen didn’t have any time to react before Triss was cupping Geralt’s cheeks, leaning her forehead against his sweaty one. Triss’s lips moved towards Geralt’s. 

“Don’t you dare move closer” Yen saw Triss stop to turn her head, eyes meeting Yen’s. Triss lips turned into a smile, but her green eyes held a look close to chock. 

“I’m not going to kiss him, Yen. So, bring your claws back” Triss said, continuing with whatever she was doing. 

Yen turned her gaze away while Triss mumbled some words that brought Geralt back to a calmer state. Yen should feel emberrased, letting her feelings get to her, but when Geralt instead of screaming started turning his head back and forth, mumbling something, she clutched his hand in her own. 

Yen took a deep breath, not letting her eyes go from Geralt’s face while carefully caressing the otherwise white and silky hair, but it now felt greased with dirt and blood against her fingers. 

“Not dead” Yen froze by the hushed words from Geralt’s lips, he turned his head in a sharp movement, brow frowning and repeated “Not dead”.  
Yen moved her hand to his forehead, it was burning hot. 

“Quickly, the fever is here!” Yen reached for the ointment Triss prepared for this stage and poured the greenish liquid onto her hand, spreading it evenly against her palms before rubbing it on Geralt’s neck. 

Behind Yen the others moved to get the bath ready, Triss the only one not helping them because she started wrapping the severe wounds on Geralt’s body, to keep the salve smeared on them as protected as possible from the icy water. 

“It is ready” Zoltan said coming to Yen’s side and carefully grabbed Geralt around the chest to carry “Dandelion, take the legs” 

Dandelion, still as pale as ever, nodded jerkily and did as ordered. They lowered Geralts heavy body down in the wooden tub, the clear water quickly turning into a pinkish red. Geralt gave away a stifled groan when his feverish skin was met by the coldness, but then he didn’t show any more sign to be alive. 

Ciri quickly took the task of dabbing Geralt’s forehead with a cloth to cool it down. Biting nervously on her bottom lip, Ciri then she turned to look at Yen who stood by the bench to get the other ointment ready. Ciri felt the need to say something, but she didn’t know what to say. Her mind was twisting every clear thought into something darker. 

“You know, Ciri” Zoltan sat beside Ciri, making her turn her focus to him. He slowly shook his head “When Dudu transformed into you-” 

“Dudu transformed into me?”Ciri’s jaw dropped and when Zoltan nodded she growled lowly “I will have a talk with him the next time I see him.” 

Zoltan chuckled the way Ciri always have felt was comforting and she found herself smiling at him, despite the serious situation. But the smile on Zoltan’s lips faded and his now troubled gaze turned towards the man in front of them that was fighting for his life. 

“I can’t understand those who say witchers don’t have the ability of emotions. What I saw that time on Geralt’s face when Dudu looked like you” Zoltan sighed, shaking his head “If that wasn’t something like emotions, then I don’t know what the arse is.” 

Ciri stared at the too pale face of the witcher, where the head was the only thing above the now red water. She then returned to her task, wringing the cloth in fresh cold water then dabbing Geralt’s forehead with it. 

“Why did you tell me this?” Ciri mumbled after a moment, curious to why Zoltan suddenly decided to tell her at this time. 

Zoltan huffed. 

“To reassure you, that Geralt has a lot fighting for” a hand that have seen to many battles, landed on Ciri’s shoulder “You hear me, lassie?” 

Ciri nodded and smiled with stingy eyes. 

 

Yen turned, with the new ointment ready in her hand, and saw the scenery displaying in front of her. Zoltan’s big hand on Ciri’s shoulder and the relaxed gaze of the ashen haired girl. It would have been a touching moment, if it wouldn’t be for the pale body, floating in the tub in front of them. 

“You okay?” Triss voice came from Yen’s left side and Yen quirked an eyebrow at her. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be.” Yen said like it was nothing, but with quick feet made her way to Geralt’s side. 

Yen took a moment while kneeling beside the tub to just look at him. It was a moment she needed, see how his chest moved, even if it barely was visible. See how his nose made a small twitch, a very small twitch, every time there was a loud noise. It wasn’t much, but the small proof of him being alive calmed her. 

Yen leaned down to smear the next ointment on Geralt’s neck, but she froze when his eyelids flew open and frantic yellow eyes met her. Yen moved in an instant to check his temperature, but the sudden thin gasps and how his lips turned purple made her realize the lung collapsed again. 

“Triss?! His lung!” Yen ordered over her shoulder, then she turned and cupped his cheeks with her hands “Geralt, please. You need to calm down”.  
Yen’s voice was soft, but on the inside, everything was twisting and turning. She was tormented by how useless she was, especially when Triss came and laid her hands on Geralt’s chest and a warm, bright light came from them by the chanting words from Triss’s lips. It wasn’t enough to heal Geralt, but it was enough to keep him alive until the toxic level came down to something near normal and they could give him some Swallow to heal the rest. 

When the gap in the lung, caused by Menge’s dagger, closed together one more time, the pain was too much for Geralt to handle. Yen tried to keep his face secured between her hands, but the pain must have been unbearable. Geralt head jolted backwards, leaning back over the tub’s edge, a hoarse roar gurgling in his throat. Twisting and turning, his body tried to get away from the excruciating pain Triss’s hands created. The movements caused the wounds on his body to reopen, and to not have Geralt do more damage to himself, Zoltan grabbed Geralt’s shoulders, pushing them back against the tub. 

“Please, Triss. Hurry would yeh.” Zoltan said, not leaving the yellow eyes with his gaze. 

“I’m doing my best” Triss mumbled, sweat forming at her brows while concentrating. But then she slumped, leaning her arms at the tub’s sides, heavy breaths coming from her lips “Now, that should hold a while”. 

Geralt’s thrashing slowed down until his eyes was the only part of him moving. The yellow cat eyes seemed to be searching for something, pupil dilated and gaze deluded.  
To Yen’s relief, the blackness in his veins seemed to be less clear, which meant they soon could give him some Swallow and it wouldn’t risk to kill him. But even though the poison in his body was deathly, being the a witcher and the poison slowly receding, it was under control. At this point, it was the blood loss that was the danger and more likely the reason killing him. 

Geralt suddenly mumbled something and Triss who was closes to his face, leaned towards him, caressing his cheek with her hand. Yen took a deep breath to clear her head from the awful thoughts she got by what she was looking at, then joined Triss on the other side of the tub. 

Yen noticed how Geralt’s eyes met Triss’s green ones, then he got a wrinkle between his brows. 

“No” Geralt croaked and his eyes continue searching, then whispered with a dying breath “Yen”. 

Then he was gone. 

Yen felt her own heart speed up when she saw how his body slumped and eyes slowly closing like life given up on him. Caressing softly at his face, pushing a lock of white hair out of it, she mumbled, mostly to herself. 

“I hate this part” and she heard a low voice behind her. 

“Yeah, me too” it was Dandelion. 

 

 

_Minutes that felt like hours, became daylong hours of waiting and waiting, hoping that soon he would awake for real.  
_

 

Back and forth, Ciri moved beside Geralt’s sleeping form on the bed belonging to the Cameleon. But by the look of it, it was more like everyone in the room was waiting for the dead to come back alive. Geralt’s skin was ashen and his lips white like the corps you met, hanging beside the roads. But Ciri knew better, he was alive. Yen’s calm figure, with her ear on his chest just above the heart, it was enough for Ciri to believe that Geralt will make it. Yen was sound asleep, too tired to even keep her eyes open, with Geralt hand in her own, fingers laced together. It was an intimately moment. It was a moment that would make every kid cringe to see the parents like this, but Ciri felt her heart ache with warmth towards the two most important people. 

Ciri sighed and looked away but winced and hissed by the feeling from the fresh wound when she turned to continue pace back and forth. The brew Triss made was starting to wear of and the wound starting to throb. The wound from the blade that was meant for Geralt, hit Ciri on the left side of her ribs just below the leather vest. Sliding along her skin, the sharp blade tore tissues apart. 

“Is the wound starting to bother you?” Avalon said and Ciri quickly glanced at him entering the room, then she looked away. 

“No, I’m fine” Ciri quickly laid a hand over the wrapped gauze, covering the wound “Just some ache, nothing serious” 

Avalon gave her a long look, with disapproving in his eyes, but Ciri avoided them fiddling with the gauze. 

“You really believe lying will make Geralt come back?” Avalon walked up to Geralt, looking between the sleeping witcher and witch, then said lowly “You really think Geralt would approve doing nothing about that wound?” 

Ciri clamped her teeth together, not wanting to say anything childish. 

“I will heal you” Triss came into view, cutting Ciri angry eyes from Avalon. 

Ciri quickly shook her head, denying the request and backed away from Triss hands nearing the wound. 

“No, no way. You need every energy you got left to keep healing Geralt” Ciri’s eyes drifted towards to the said witcher “He needs it more than me”. 

Triss gave her a nod, not agreeing but respecting Ciri’s choice, and continued making the last preparation for the last stage of poisoning. Ciri has never seen that stage, but she has heard of it. It wasn’t going to be joyful, nothing with this is joyful. But compared to the last stage, everything they have been through is like a walk in the most peaceful forest. 

Ciri took one last look at the woman and man worth every struggle she’s been through, raven strands och hair mixing with the white ones. Both of them have sacrificed so much to make sure Ciri is protected, but this one hurting Geralt hasn’t been targeting her. This _monster_ , only had his eyes on Geralt and Ciri knows who is behind it all.  
The Menge they fought and killed, it wasn’t the Menge coming back from the dead. No, that Caleb Menge was really dead from the beginning. But this one, this Callack Menge who wanted to experiment on Geralt. Callack Menge wasn’t the one who was behind everything. Which meant that Geralt wasn’t safe. Someone else was still out there to get vengeance for what Geralt did to Caleb Menge, Commander of the Witch hunter. And now adding to the list, Callack Menge who was a Medic of the Witch hunter. 

Ciri was so afraid. This time Geralt was almost lost and she feared that one day this other one, the one behind it all, would seek him out and succeed with the quest. Ciri had already made up her mind, changing her directions towards the door while remembering the last whisper from Menge’s lips.  
_My brother will now avenge both me and our brother. Geralt will die._


	6. What I need...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you guys!  
> Finally summer is here, as is the final chapter of this part :)  
> I hope you will like it!
> 
> Thanks for the kudos! they make me want to write even more<3
> 
> (FUN FACT: I was going to publish a chapter over a month ago but I then remembered that I'm a person who need to be some satisfied with it, which I wasn't)

#5 What I need… 

 

It was like time was floating, slowly drifting in front of Yen. Everyone’s movements were reminding of being under water, no matter how you moved there was no quick way to reach where you most wanted to be. 

Yen suddenly knew what was going to happen. She felt it deep inside her chest, like someone grabbed her heart, squeezing it until it almost burst. It was deja vu and her eyes widened when the knife glinted. Yen just stood there, letting the knife push into Geralt’s body, in between the ribs tearing into the lung. She knew what was going to happened but her body wouldn’t move. Her power did nothing to prevent Geralt getting hurt. The sentence whispered from his lips, with a tired and broken voice, it was cut off with a gurgle. Blood was spilling from his mouth, slowly drowning him. 

“You can’t save him” someone whispered, eyes of a monster staring at Yen, with hands keeping Geralt standing where he slowly was suffocating.  
Geralt’s eyes met Yen’s. Yellow and Violet. 

“I’m sorry” Geralt's lips moved, but it was Yen’s broken voice saying it. 

 

Yen quickly opened her eyes, the sight dim for a moment before focusing. She stared at the ordinary blanket belonging to the Cameleon while her ears picked up the sound from a fire crackling in the fireplace. Otherwise it was quiet and calm. 

Yen felt a pressure over the left hand, like someone was squeezing it carefully, a thumb caressing the knuckles. But she couldn’t let herself being hopeful. 

“Yen?” a voice asked, a voice she longed to awake and to be alive. It sounded tired, filled with pain, but it was alive. 

Yen felt anxious while raising her head and turn it to let her eyes calm herself by the sight. Yellow eyes met her and a weight was lifted from Yen’s chest. 

The hand squeezing her hand, left to caress her cheek while worried eyed inspected her face. 

“Yen? What’s wrong?” Geralt’s voice said and Yen felt like laughing, but instead she scoffed irritated. Yen straightened herself to turn to him, Geralt’s hand falling down, not reaching her cheek anymore. 

“ ‘What’s wrong?’ That is the most stupid thing you could say” Yen said fiercely, trying to keep her voice steady but felt how it was near breaking “Don’t you dare almost die and then just ask me ‘What’s wrong?’ when you finally wake up!” 

Geralt tried to sit to reach Yen’s face with his hand but gave up when the pain was to crucial. Instead he reached towards Yen’s hand, but Yen suddenly felt like she was going to suffocate if her skin was touched by his and moved it away, not meeting his eyes anymore. 

 

_Geralt gaze lingered on Yen’s back, head throbbing by the poison withdrawal…  
_

Still affected by the sleep, it made me struggle keeping my head from believing everything was still a dream. My eyes drifted from Yen’s stiff back, down to my hands that was shaking in my lap. I could feel the warmth the fireplace provided to the cold room and the sound of it kept the weird silence between me and Yen from getting even more weird. 

The nightmare still grasped tight in my chest. I couldn’t remember what it was about, but how my body reacted when I saw Yen sleeping soundly, head resting on my chest, I realized who was in it and the relief seeing the calm breaths moving her chest gave a clue what the dream was about. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped, something with the silence between me and Yen, and me wanting to say something, made it all feel like Deja vú. 

A shiver travel along my spine by a weak memory of black tendrils wanting to grab a hold of me, dead eyes staring at me. One side of my chest felt more painful than the rest of the body, but I couldn’t remember why my body was like some giant stepped on me. 

A memory suddenly possessed my eyes, it made it feel like it was happening right now. Someone was grabbing my chin, a foul breath hitting my nose. Then the memory changed to another one. I was looking down on a body that felt cold, it was pressing against mine and I felt despair within me by the sight of it. My mind was blending everything together, I couldn’t distinguish which of them had happened for real and which of them was just pictures my brain baked together. I just couldn’t remember. 

When my heart couldn’t beat any faster against my sore ribs, the not knowing what happened and the image of someone I hold dear looking like a corps being the reason, my nose suddenly twitched. A strong scent that I was familiar with, felt like a breeze in the small room I recognized as one of the Cameleon’s. 

 

_Not aware of the inner struggle Geralt went through, Yen gathered the herbs to the salve she needed…  
_

Yen ignored the guilt Geralt's sigh made her feel and instead prepared for the change of the dressing Geralt’s wounds needed. They needed to keep the infection from spreading until he could drink the Swallow. 

With her back against Geralt, Yen heard him sniffing by the smell of the herbs she was crushing in the mortar, then he hummed. 

“Why making healing salve?” He coughed after asking, hissing by the pain and it made his voice strained while continuing “Why not just heal me?” 

The memory Geralt’s words brought, stilled Yen’s hand from grinding the herbs. She could still remember the strange feeling of being drained of energy until there wasn’t anything left inside of her. 

“Triss have been trying healing you” Yen began and her hand started moving again, the sound of herbs being mixed was heard before she continued “But by the lack of skill” Geralt snorted behind her “she only could keep your wounds closed for a while”. 

Geralt moved on the bed behind her. Yen guessed he tried to get up and the grunt coming soon after was enough proof to know she was correct. When everything went quiet, Yen thought that she didn’t need to turn around and scold him back to bed. 

Though, to her surprise, arms snaked around her waist moving her backwards, tight against a firm chest. 

“What are you doing out of bed, you stupid bastard!” she hissed and tried to peel the arms from her waist, but stopped by the feeling of warm breath against her neck. 

“You must’ve been really worried about me, only calling me stupid two times in the past two minutes” Geralt murmured and pressed his chapped lips against the warm skin and Yen closed her eyes by the sensation. She hummed. 

“Only once calling you stupid, the other one was about your stupid question” Geralt chuckled by her words but stopped when the movements disturbed the lung too much. 

“Only proves my point even more” he said and Yen felt his forehead leaning on her shoulder. It was feverish. 

Yen gently turned around and cupped his scruffy cheeks, barely open yellow eyes searching for her own violet ones. 

“My poor White Wolf” Yen said, exaggerating the tone making Geralt groan trying to get away from her hands. 

“Aw, Yen” he whined dismissing, sitting down on the bed again, wincing a little while changing the topic “By the way, where is Ciri?” 

Yen still cupped one of his scruffy cheeks, moving the other hand to caress the white hair. Geralt gave in, closing his eyes and leaned his head against Yen’s stomach. The warm breath from his lips spread over the skin beneath the clothing and Yen tingled of longing. A longing not described as lust, but something deeper, lovelier.  
“She went with Avalon, doing some errand I think” Yen answered his question and when he still was quiet after a moment, Yen thought he had fallen asleep. But arms suddenly hugged her buttocks and Geralt leaned back his head, chin against Yen’s stomach, to look up at Yen. 

The breath was caught in her throat by the gaze fixed on her. The fever must be affecting him, loosening the control he otherwise has. Because, the look in his eyes was filled with so much raw suffering. It was nothing Yen has ever seen in his eyes before. 

“I killed him” Geralt’s eyes widened by Yen’s sudden words. Yen caressed his cheek with her thumb, lost in thoughts. “Menge. His name was Callack Menge, brother of Caleb Menge” she explained. 

“I can’t heal you-” Yen stopped, because it was hard finding the words. Not because of the memory of losing every ounce of energy in her body, but the memory of the blood on her hands afterwards, when grabbing Geralt. By that moment, when it happened, she was sent back to the time when Geralt died in her arms in Rivia. It was like it happened once more. 

Yen blinked, focusing on the present. 

“I can’t heal you because I drained myself killing him, and everyone else there who was responsible of you being hurt” Yen felt a hand cover her own where it was shaking against Geralt’s cheek. Violet met Yellow. 

“Yen” he started but Yen cut him off. 

“No Geralt, not- not now” Geralt nodded, looking rejected while turning his head away. He lowered his hand from Yen’s, but Yen quickly grabbed it, not looking at him while whispering “No, I. Just. I. What I need-” 

Yen got frustrated, but Geralt seemed to know what she was seeking. Taking her hand in his own, Geralt lay down on the bed, letting Yen lay next to him on the good side with head on his shoulder. A soft kiss was placed on her forehead while arms circled around her, securing her in warmth.  
At this moment, Yen felt that everything else could wait, just for a while. When they started the mission to save Margaret, this was not what she was hoping for. But right now, she felt okay, despite everything. 

 

_Despite having a body close to death, holding Yen’s warm body close to his made him feel more alive than ever…  
_

If I’m being honest with myself, I still could feel that slight panic when I realized not knowing what Yen spoke of. Who was that Callack Menge? I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on, what was real and what was just a dream. And to have those emotions I’ve never seen Yen’s eyes directed at me, wasn’t helping calming me down. Something happened causing these wounds on my body and those emotions within Yen, and I needed to know what. I’ve already dealt with amnesia and I’m not doing that shit again! 

Soft, calm heartbeats brought me out of the sudden anger. The urge to dress and find answers slowly left my mind, having Yen’s heart beating next to mine chased it away. 

“Yen?” my hoarse voice murmured, looking down at the relaxed face resting on my chest where the fireplace’s glow gave it a warm shade. 

I felt a hum vibrating my skin and a hand reached to caress my cheek while she turned her head to look up at me. When those violet eyes met mine, the words I was going to say stopped behind my lips. They weren’t enough to declare whatever it was she made me, the monster who shouldn’t be able to experience emotions, feel within my chest. From the first day I laid my eyes on her the sensation she made me feel only grew, and now I can’t find any words to express what it is. 

I felt a pressure against my chapped lips. Soft but desperate, Yen seeks my attention by kissing me and slowly she leaned back, resting her elbow next to my shoulder to look down at me. 

“My, oh, my. What an unusual face you made, my White Wolf” Yen’s voice made me feel like I was laying in the softest linen and I could feel how the corner of my mouth lifted, violet eyes noticing the movement causing them to stare at my mouth. 

“I just realized how much I really need you in my life, Yen” 

Yen first looked taken aback by my words, before closing her eyes leaning down to rest her forehead against mine. We breathed each other's air mixed with blood, old sweat, dirt and tears of sorrow and happiness. 

“I too need you, Geralt. I need you so, _so_ much”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END, for now :D
> 
> Some of you will say "What?" with a raised eyebrow, but remember, this is only a part of a bigger story ^^,
> 
> And this is what I could come up with in this short amount of time and lack of energy but I hope it was some satisfying :)


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